Saturday, March 31, 2012


I find it incredibly strange how much emphasis our society puts on gender. Specifically on which of the two gender boxes you fit in. Even when shopping, there are "men's clothing," and "women's clothing," but never just clothes. Does the cotton t-shirt self combust if worn on the wrong person? Do the pants suddenly disintegrate if the crotch they conceal is "wrong"?

Sure, some could argue that men and women are shaped differently. Women have boobs, men have pecs, etc; but is that always true? I know a few women who have absolutely no breasts, and a few men who do.  Really, this goes back to my earlier discussion an meat shapes. Everyone's meat shape is different.

Even our language is structured to reflect two and only two gender options (I found learning French to be even worse, as they blatantly gender-ize all objects into masculine and feminine for no good reason I can see). If you're worth discussing in English as a person, the pronoun options are he, she, and it. I personally don't find any of those options appealing. He and she just plain don't fit, and it is so demeaning and de-humanizing. And so the dilemma: do I stick with she (as the one I've heard all of my life) or do I try to find/create something more suitable.

Years of reading on the internet (thank god for technology), and I found myself learning that I am not alone. There are others like me who don't like the two accepted gender options. And they have a secret code of gender neutral pronouns. The problem is, they truly are a secret code: Xe, Xir, and an assortment of others which need constant explanation and defense in the real world. Sure, most genderqueer communities recognize them, but my day to day life isn't in a genderqueer community, and I really do not feel like trying to educate everyone at work. I just want to be treated equal, with no fuss made about my neutrois identity. I feel no need to explain myself to everyone I interact with.

I've always been drawn to the "singular they," but the language nerd in me rebels at that idea. They is not singular, and I am not multiple people. I need singular pronouns which reflect my gender neutral identity.

And then I found them. It was like a shockwave to the system. There is a movement to take they/their/them, and re-conjugate to make them singular. In walks ey, eir, and em into my life. And I was blown away. Finally I have found pronouns which I can identify with both in the gendered sense, and in. The fact that I'm an individual.

While I still feel no urge to explain myself to everyone I interact with, I would appreciate if here, on my little corner of the web, my identity is respected and proper pronouns used. If you know me in real life, and you choose to carry this into the real world as well, you will probably become one of my favourite people.

Taking this small step of publicly announcing it makes me giddy with excitement and nervous energy.


  1. Indeed, eerily similar to my own thoughts. It's not that strange that we think the exact same thoughts AND go through the same PROCESS - it's probably evidence of the way we've internalized and absorbed societal expectations of gender, language, and people.

    1. Welcome to my little corner of the web Maddox :)
      When I saw your post 2 days after I posted this it literally gave me shivers: like you were somehow in my head, lol.